Discovering self-love opens the world for individuals.
A quote from The Perks of Being a Wallflower, “We accept the love we think we deserve,” exemplifies the importance of self-love and self-identity. Millions of songs, movies, and TV shows are centered around love, yet most people cannot conceptualize the word. Attachment theorists, such as John Bowlby, research depict six-week-old infants are aware of attachment and belongingness. For most of us, our first encounters were loving or receiving love from someone else.
Tanisha Robinson, Co-CEO of Royalty Holistics and self-love advocate, advised her first experience of love was the lack thereof. She stated that during her childhood, she did not feel welcomed or loved by her family. Another woman also stated that her earliest memory of love occurred at 17 years old when she first began dating her husband. Despite most of our first encounters with love being focused on the love received or given to others; we must love ourselves to receive a satisfying love.
Defining Self-Love
Oxford Dictionary defines self-love as one’s own desirable well-being and happiness narcissistic characteristics. Brain & Behavior Foundation stated that “self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth.” Some of the main characteristics of self love are having high regards for your own well-being and happiness, practicing self care, and not settling for mediocrity.
Robinson stated that “Anything that restores, uplifts, and reminds you of your most authentic self.”
Self-love looks different for us due to varying personalities and economic statuses. However, self-love is built upon self-identity, self-exploration, finding your joys in life, positive habits and positive self-talk. For some of us, self-love is an intricate skincare routine, applying makeup daily, working out every day and thanking the body for supporting your daily functions or making a large purchase, such as property or purse. The key to practicing self-love requires being mindful and conscious during these activities that add to the happiness already within you. Loving yourself is speaking with yourself about your wants and needs and making a conscious effort to incorporate them into your life while extending yourself compassion and grace. Allowing yourself the time to explore your passions and self and understanding what makes you feel heard, seen and satisfied.
The Importance of Self-Love
Self-love allows the most growth and improves the quality of relationships and mental well-being. Once you are pleased with yourself, you are more willing to attempt new things and meet new people opening new opportunities for yourself. Self-love encourages an understanding of self and once you have reconciled with your self-identity, nothing can shake or discourage you for long. This strong foundation allows room for grace and constant improvement. The grace discovered from learning to love yourself and previous mistakes encourage you to explore new hobbies, distinguish your values and connect with more people with similar values. Through hobbies, we often discover our passion and joy.
Being able to adequately communicate your needs to yourself improves how you communicate with loved ones and sets a standard for how you let loved ones communicate with you. Communicating and meeting your needs teaches you how to take care of yourself instead of relying on a partner or friend solely for happiness. We all need reassurance occasionally but relying solely on reassurance from others leads to dependency, burnout, insecurity and manipulation in relationships. Treating yourself better teaches you not to tolerate disrespect, how to treat others better and improves the quality of relationships because the relationship is founded around dependency or necessity but mutual respect.
How to Discover Self-Love
Examining your Love Language
Determining your love language is a powerful tool. For Tanisha Robinson, her love language is words of affirmations. She utilizes positive affirmations to rewire her negative thoughts about herself and surrounds herself with people whom were expressive of their admiration for her and her work. After discovering her cheerful voice and returning her power to herself, she utilizes her voice to uplift and empowers others.
Being Mindful
In our current society, we are always looking for the next big thing or need an immediate result. By doing so, we have lost the benefits of enjoying moments and their affect on us. To practice being in the moment, imagine yourself as a painter. As an artist paint, the end goal is in mind but at the moment but focus is only on the colors, textures, and emotions going onto their canvas. They are mindful of the brush’s pressure because it effects the application of the paint. They are not worried about who will support the piece, about the conservation they just had or worried about what anyone thinks of them. The next time you go out, focus on the emotions you feel without passing judgment on the emotions arising. Just be present of the moment and you might discover the environment no longer is conducive for you or you’ve been surrounded by love and art but overlooked the magic around you.
Being Grateful
Practicing gratefulness requires mindfulness. Taking a step back to realize all the things you have in your life despite the urging for more. Being thankful for the car that commutes you to work and social activities. Being grateful you were invited to said social activities. Be grateful for the green grass sprouting near your resident. Being grateful you secured employment or started a business. Be grateful someone appreciates your art. Being grateful, one hundred people cared to read your story or watch your video. Being grateful you were able to impact and influence two people. It is easy to compare yourself and feel like a failure, but self-love teaches you how to make yourself a champion despite all the failures encountered.
Honoring Rest
Constantly being met with disappointment and failure can diminish confidence. Drudging along when depleted is a disservice to yourself. Allowing yourself time to recuperate teaches you to stop behaving out of necessity and improves the quality of your work and those around you. It is a luxury to stop when you need to stop, but we are all worthy and capable of rest.
Healthy Habits
Having a day filled with things you love and enjoy changes your mood and outlook on life. Every task drains your energy if you fill your day with tasks you have to get done. Filling your day with joyous things, such as exercising every day, healthy food, reading an interesting book, watching a show you enjoy, or spending a set time with people you enjoy, make you fall in love with yourself because you are more aligned with yourself and your values.
*All photo cred: Pixabay
