Feedback breeds uncertainty that manifests into avoidance, which develops into a vicious loop for most people.
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Feedback, predominantly negative or constructive feedback, sends people into a spiral. People often begin feeling inadequate or expect an immediate change, often met with disappointment and procrastination. For many, the root of these feelings stems from childhood, either from a pestering authoritarian figure or unkind peers.
Feedback forces us to acknowledge the negative concepts we have concealed and carried with us for years and facing those traumas triggers our flight or fight instinct. Personally, flying is the preferred method of keeping dignity intact. Here are some examples for those who are not self-aware of how they react to feedback.
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Procrastination
Procrastination occurs when a task is either dissatisfying, tedious, or strenuous. As a result, we began to seek tasks offering immediate rewards over the task that will take maximum effort and possibly minimum reward in terms of feedback.
For example, Samantha received a comment from her employer about further developing her writing style. Samantha knew her employer’s comment would help her in the long run and immediately purchased material and began studying the material.
However, during her studying, she began to think this was an overload of material and began to doubt her ability to absorb the material and her ability to write good content. Consequently, she would sit down to write and become overwhelmed and find more manageable tasks to complete. These tasks include watching comfort movies, painting, or putting on makeup. However, she was not running away from learning new material. Instead, she ran from feelings of inadequacy instilled in childhood by authority figures and peers as a child.
Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage occurs when destructive behavior aimed at oneself often hinders success. The coping mechanism is often recognized as self-preservation by its utilizers. To illustrate, Charlotte, a psychology major and an art minor with an affinity for art, spends most of her time partying and on her art projects. Though her time management skills are lacking, Charlotte still produces magnificent art pieces and stays afloat with her academics. As the senior year closes, Charlotte learns she will not be able to graduate with her peers but vows to return for an additional semester.
Unfortunately, Charlotte increased her partying and got involved in legal troubles that semester. Although Charlotte wanted a degree, she began to question her place in the world and how others would view her. Doubt and the fear of failure caused her to sabotage her degree to persevere in her identity.
Most of us have experienced these coping mechanisms at some point. However, we do not have to continue the vicious cycle. The first step is acknowledging our feelings, discovering the root of those feelings, proactively attempting to heal those wounds, and distinguishing those emotions from the current situation.
Solution
The ABCD technique of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a great technique to help those with anxiety and uncomfortable with feedback. Said technique requires the user to acknowledge and write down an activating event, the belief that follows the event, the emotional and behavioral consequence, and a dispute for the negative belief. For example, Bill’s boss highlighted three coworkers for their creative and exceptional reports. As a result, Bill began to feel inadequate and envious of his peers, comparing himself to his coworkers, participating in gossip involving other coworkers, and decreasing his work efforts.
ABCD Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Table
Finally, after a week of lousy work reviews and a hostile work environment, Bill recognizes that his previous work and work style had always produced positive reviews, and he enjoyed work more, working alongside positive coworkers more. The activating event would be Bill’s boss highlighting other accomplishments in this situation.
The belief would be feeling inadequate and that his coworkers did not deserve their praise. The consequence would be a decline in productivity at work, creating a hostile work environment, and more negative feelings regarding Bill’s actions. The dispute is rationalizing that Bill received praise numerous times for his work, which did not negate his peers’ work or work ethic.
This technique allows us to catch our thoughts and emotions and deconstruct them backward to see how negatively we approached the situation and add in outside factors that were irrelevant to the situation. Feedback is critical to excel in our interdependent society. Although it is an everyday struggle to be receptive to feedback, we must start learning healthier ways to rationalize feedback-centered anxiety to ensure we live prosperous lives.
