First dates can be nerve-wracking for both parties involved. However, for men often first date pressure will be mostly on them. Often males are the ones who usually initiate and plan the first date. If your first date initiation has been accepted, that is a great accomplishment. Part of your anxiety surrounding the first date has subsided. Now, are you prepared for your first date? Here are five tips to ensure you secure a second date.
Photo by Cottonbro
- Plan the first date
When it comes to first dates when you initiate a first date put the effort forward to plan the date. First impressions have a huge impact on the characteristics/schemas a person associate with you. Don’t have your date choose where she is taken, instead plan a thoughtful date. Women appreciate males who are decisive and who will romance them. First dates should have some interactive component, to ensure that awkward silences can be covered and so the pressure is not on chattering meaninglessly for extended amounts of time. Your experience together on the date will create a conversation within itself, while simultaneously, allowing both of you to reveal some of your core values and opinions. Depending on personality types, there is a multitude of suitable interactive first dates; for example, a nice picnic, movies, and a dinner, visiting a museum, a pottery class, slam poetry.
By nature, a lot of us are responsive creatures. Therefore a date that generates a response is always a safe bet. Planning the date also breaks down barriers of getting to know one another. While planning you will begin to question what your date prefers and dislikes while aligning her preferences with your preferences. Familiarity helps relieve awkwardness, for example, when you greet family members, it comes naturally because you know their preferences and whether certain feelings are mutual. Planning the first date is a mutual exchange for both parties involved and can assuage awkwardness.
- Chivalry
We all like to be appreciated, therefore, simple gestures can go a long way when you first meet a person. Another effort that helps secure a second date is chivalry, such as opening doors, picking up the check, complementing her, asking good questions, and actively listening to her responses. Women like to feel protected and appreciate the effort to make her feel comfortable, therefore, opening the door gives off the essence that you will look out for her and protect her. Although we have progressed and still debate gender roles frequently, most women still expect the male to pick up the ticket on the first date. If you are not in a financial predicament to be able to foot the bill; you should discuss your expectation on payment during the planning process to ensure she is not surprised by the end of the date.
Photo by S. Anna
The conversation is a large majority of the date and based on the men I have interviewed is largely what men expect from women on the first date. Asking good questions, leading questions will ensure you can gauge her personality and lifestyle and allow you to rebuttal with personal information about you as well. Listening is a key part of the conversation, therefore actively listening and responding to the information she gives out, will show her you are not only respectful but value her voice. For your benefit, responding also prevents both parties from having to consistently think of new topics.
- Appearance
You don’t have to always show up in your best suit. Women notice things such as did you take the effort to iron, outfit coordination, the freshness of your breath, and your scent. If she can see your effort, her appreciation and attraction raise. You are showing her that you value her opinion and exemplify you are someone that she can bring around her close peers, without fear of embarrassment. Although you want to dress nice, wear things you are comfortable in, because there is not a universal standard to attractiveness. Confidence will always leave more of an impression than an outfit. She is there to get to know the authentic you, not a persona. Just remember basic hygiene and an iron are always needed.
photo by A. Ayrton
- Physical Touch
Often, women will attempt to project they want you to make a move. Although some of those hints are not as noticeable as we think. Always attempt to look at her body language to see if she will be comfortable with physical touching. For example, if she is leaning away from you or does not make eye contact, she either is not interested or very reserved. Making a move probably will not be in your best interest.
However, if she is leaning into, making eye contact, looking at your lips, or doing any flirty gesture making a move will probably be ok. If you are not sure of her preference, asking to [make a first move is necessary]. Aside from major physical touches, brief touches like rubbing of the hands, holding hands, hugging, and or brief touches in respected places are nice simple gestures on the first date. I enjoy small physical gestures on the first date. It provides a sense of mutual reassurance.
- Follow Up
Always follow up after the first date. Rather it is to check to hear her opinion on the first date or just to begin a new conversation. No communication after the first date signifies you are not interested, or the date went terrible. If you are interested in pursuing your date, then a long period of no communication after the date could relay as a red flag for her.
Most of all, remember first dates are meant to be fun. Create an icebreaker and set the tone for the relationship. Relax and enjoy the experience of getting to know someone new. Have fun, be respectful, and be yourself and everything else will fall into place. These tips will ensure you have a second date!
